The more malignant the person who is obsessed with their ex, the more abusive the treatment of their ex post-relationship mortem.
With Narcissistic Abuse and Domestic Violence acts actually increasing in severity over time, long after they themselves have discarded a partner who figured out their game or their former love interest has rejected them as a suitor.
While normal breakups include the expectation to a right of privacy, obsessed and vindictive people who have full-blown narcissistic personality types simply cannot let a recovering ex move away, get on with their own life, or enjoy their rights to quiet enjoyment in life.
The angry and fiercely competitive antagonist refuses to let a non-competing [alleged] “loser” go.
According to Obsessive-Ex.com, “In revenge cases, the Obsessive Ex wants the leaving partner to be punished or tormented. The Obsessor believes that the leaving partner deserves to be punished or harmed for perceived ‘wrongs’. They don’t love the ex-partner anymore; the obsession has only to do with trying to wreak continuing damage to the ex-partner’s life. They will even pursue avenues of revenge that harm their own children.”
Their description of the strange vendetta agenda phenomenon could not be more reality based or spot on.
Obsessed exes tend to do all they can to foster triangulation between the former love interest that rejected their hoovering attempts after abuse to the point they do all they can to recruit new narcissistic supply sources who are also prone to harboring grudges and ill will against other human beings long term.
Expect an obsessed ex to strive to make a new partner insanely jealous of an ex, while at the same time convincing that person of their ex’s horribleness. Smear campaigning does not begin to explain the depths of betrayal of confidence and obsessed ex will share with a fresh potential supply source.
If they know a new supply has a bias against a cheater? Guess what. Magically their ex was guilty of committing infidelity throughout their marriage.
If the new supply source has a soft spot for a person with a hard luck story related to love?
All of a sudden, a new rumor will be started to convince friends who are out of the loop, family members who are trusting of the Abuser but clueless about their targeted victim, and the new love that the person rejecting them actually left them broke, penniless, and for another man or woman.
No truth has to be present in the tall tales about an ex, but if an Abuser is especially cruel and sadistic the stories thy manufacture and create about their ex will be specifically tailored to hurt and embarrass them the most.
For instance, if they prided themselves on being loving and faithful, again, their honest nature, kindness, moral integrity, and faithfulness will be questioned by any person who does not know them well or who gets tricked into believing the lying abuser.
If a person has abandonment issues, such as from living through the death or disappearance of a parent when they were young, guess what? Magically the Abuser will spend months or years pulling disappearing acts to bait and provoke their target into appearing irrational when PTSD flashbacks hit.
If a person has a fear of being unloved? The Abuser will manage to tell them at every possible opportunity that they are unloveable — with help, of course, from their new love interests acting as Abusers By Proxy to really grind the targeted ex’s self-esteem into the dirt.
For those who have been sexually abused or was physically abused during early childhood and subsequently from a place of honest vulnerability confided details to their partner in confidence, it can be a living nightmare listening to friends of the Abuser and their new love interest making jokes about the target either being a liar who manufactures claims of abuse or that they deserved it.
No bar is too low for an Abuser to break confidences. Expect obsessed Abusers to do things like share or manufacture faked revenge porn photos or videos, to tell everyone who will listen to them intensely distorted facts about the victim’s personal life (things people tend to only share with a lover in bed or with their psychotherapist in the strictest of confidences), and for them to make a slew of outrageous claims labeling the targeted ex the most deviant of personality types.
Abusers will claim their victims are things like criminals, child molesters, pornography stars, sex workers, thieves, junkies, alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts, serial cheaters, “crazy”, schizophrenic, psychologically and emotionally unstable, and prone to violent behavior.
When a traumatized victim finally wises up and realizes that the person who they have been striving to remain involved within a loving relationship has been betraying their most personal trusts and staging a smear campaign oftentimes for years or even decades in advance of a split, it’s truly a crushing realization.
There’s no earthly way to escape the wrath of a human being who is obsessed with causing you harm for the “crime” of striving to love them, to be respectful at all times, and for ending a romantic attachment to them at any time.
If you said, “I love you!” to a person with confused psychology — or worse… had a relationship with a person that a deranged person claims as property, look out. Decades later, “deranged and estranged whack-a-moles” figures are likely to still harbor a deep-seated psychological attachment to remaining in a position of psychological and emotional power over you.
Prepare yourself mentally early on to depersonalize their attampts at hoovering, as folks who develop this attachment to harming, socially destroying, or “erasing” an ex are the type of social predator most likely to keep resurfacing.
Actually, the further you (as their preferred scapegoat target to stalk and / or hunt) strive to get socially away from the tormentors, the more likely they are to keep popping up.
When a targeted victim comes forward to defend themselves, anything they say can and will be used against them by their attacker. If the victim cries and pleads for people to believe the truth about the Abuser having lied, the more sadistic the user the more likely they are to sit back, laugh, and deny – deny – deny.
Since very few people have written literature about the subject from an academic perspective, more than likely because only the rare 1% of human minds are structured biologically and chemically to be able to pull off such a massive con of broad society, the subject of people who delight in avenging imaginary harms has not gotten nearly enough publicity or attention from the mental health professions.
1% of the human population tends to be narcissistic, Machiavellian, completely devoid of empathy or conscience when it comes to hurting other people, and acts in ways that humans throughout time in literature have essentially described as “evil”.
Such individuals tend to form narcissistic rivalries and vendetta agendas rapidly and without an abuse target ever needing to know what they did wrong to anger or annoy the disordered person.
When such a person enters into a new relationship with a co-Narcissist or another Psychopath, expect decades of abuse. Couples who support and enable one another’s criminal lifestyles and agendas to cause social harm to people they no longer think they need or like tends to be the tie that binds them together long term.
As long as they are blame shifting unhappiness in their own life onto other people and victim shaming, they feel happy, socially elevated, and elated. Psychopaths thrive on creating and manipulating trauma bonds, so their fawning over love interests followed by doing everything in their power to psychologically destroy them simultaneously tends to make their personal and professional relationship cycles emulate the sort of love-hate relationships one typically might find glamorized on a reality television show about dating or on a circus monkey talk show.
When and if they have a fight or something in life does not go their way, Dark Triad couples are notorious for picking new fights with people they consider narcissistic rivals [for attention, power, money, fame, or status] as well as returning to mess with a former love interest who they enjoy targeting for social and emotional abuses.
Known as the “preferred target” or fall-back, or a go-to scapegoat to torture when and if a Dark Triad or Dark Triad couple gets bored, the ex needs to do nothing but breathe to provoke abusive personality types into striving to manufacture chaos for them in the world.
Friends, family members, and social media connections of any person suspected of having a personality disorder should be on the close lookout for signs that an Obsessed Ex or the Obsessed Ex’s new partner is staging a smear campaign on their targeted victim.
While the Obsessed ex targets for sadistic pleasure alone — feeling a rush of pleasurable emotions after doing things to make their ex and former family’s lives difficult or miserable — their romantic partners tend to socially target their ex for different reasons.
Fearing that the Abuser secretly harbors feelings of affection or longing to win back the heart of the ex who rejected them for their terrible behavior, the new partner feels the brunt of the Abuser’s manufactured triangulation.
The Obsessed Ex may claim that that party who filed for a restraining order, was granted a NO CONTACT order, filed for a divorce, and has spent every waking moment since their split striving to create a new life without them and move on is secretly in love with them and trying to win them back.
This imaginary threat is then shared with the new romantic partners in order to A) poison the well against the former love interest and B) makes the new partner fear the old partner will strive to “steal their man” or “put the moves on their old lady” as well.
No self-respecting person would tell a new love interest that an ex is wildly in love with them and desperately trying to get back together with them. Manufacturing love triangles is a game only juvenile thinkers play — and people who strive to manufacture chaos and triangulations in life tend to be those who have the darkest personality types in all the human populous.
Telling one partner personal details and confidences confessed by another partner is Narcissistic Abuse. Mixing partial truths but presenting those same facts in an organized smear campaign designed to humiliate and socially invalidate a former love interest is beyond inhumane and arguably immoral.
Details about a person’s sexual proclivities, what they look like naked, terrible traumatizing events they only discuss in private with people they trust most (like a therapist, spouse, or close person of interest) are blasted out in public. Victim shaming, gaslighting friends and family, and striving to financially as well as socially destroy a targeted victim is the common aim of people who act out their Machiavellian plans to destroy whomever they feel entitled to define as “other”.
If you have been targeted pervasively for years for no crime other than having been or remaining a kind and loving person, take heart. Rather than personalizing abuse dished out by a Cluster B predator and his Flying Monkeys who truly sadistically delight in Abusing By Proxy, keep a record of it when it happens and start to realize that your abuse journal truly is legal evidence of the extreme duress they have caused you over time as well as it being a testament to their Dark Triad nature.
Since Dark Triads abuse by habit and have little to no impulse control, the best advice is to change your name and relocate to a different state or country where the Obsessed Ex (as a stalker) is unlikely to be able to find you or to show up at your doorstep.
If you can, keep any emails and phone numbers active where they routinely leave you nasty messages — for no other reason that to have someone else they cannot likely trigger by leaving harassing messages screen incoming contacts.
If you simply do not have the financial resources to move away, be sure to have a judge write into any restraining order or no contact order terms that the Abuser is not allowed to use third parties to do things like cyber bully, contact you against your will, or show up at places you are known to frequent. Many are experts at figuring out ways to skirt around wording or the law, so don’t hesitate to find an aggressiveattorney who advocates for victims rights and takes on high conflict divorce cases.
The more prone a Dark Triad is to engage in illicit activities on the sly or to hang out with shady people, the more likely the Abuser paying people to do things like lie in court about their abuse target is likely to happen. Hold you head up high, strive to remain calm, and don’t let it break your heart finding out people actually are willing to lie under oath in a court of law in the United States of America.
The shadier the Dark Triad’s peer group, the more likely a kind and loving target is to be cyberbullied, stalked, and hunted on his or her behalf. Expect distant relatives and old friends who are clueless about the very real harm and Abuser and his co-narcissist or co-Sociopathic mates have done to their former lover and quite possibly their own child or children who remain in custody with the ex to be recruited for mercenary services.
People who believe the gaslighting, smears, and outright lies of an Abuser and are conned into feeling sorry for them are likely to have been told tales specifically designed to push the listener’s hot buttons and triggers. What such people fail to understand is they are also Narcissistic Abuse victims — people being lied to, emotionally conned, and psychologically manipulated to do unjust and immoral acts to innocent parties on behalf of Machiavellian abusers.
What that means is don’t be too hard on Flying Monkeys. They are being lied to and tricked into hating or disliking other people in very much the same way a love bombing con-artist strives to win the sympathy vote to allow them an easy in-road with a freshly targeted narcissistic supply source.
Just like an old partner was told at the start of their relationship with an Abuser, he or she is blameless and wonderful and deserving of both sympathy and protection from all the people in their past who did them wrong or spitefully harmed them. Whether an abuser lies and claims an ex who they treated terribly is a liar for suggesting they were abusive or they blame something like their mother, father, grandparent, or sibling for causing them deep feelings of trauma that they now use in modern day to justify or excuse their current bad behavior, the manipulative Abuser is likely to spin whatever line of B.S. they oh-so-convincingly tell-to-sell to hyperstimulate an emotional response in their listeners.
If the listener is, for instance, a Christian relative who is born again and thumps bibles, the Abuser and his or her new mate will lie without remorse, presenting themselves as die-hard “Praise the Lord and pass the dinner” kind of people.
They might say things like the targeted ex practices witchcraft, is a witch or Wiccan, is gay or bi-sexual, and claim they are routinely breaking all the ten commandments.
Expect them to do things like fake videos and photos they peddle to blackmail or extort.
[Since you don’t know what’s in or on the images and are powerless to stop them from running cons to humiliate you while they try to feel “closer” to you by fantasizing you are some sort of harlot, deviant, or sex criminal they can gawk at and talk about to everyone they know, it’s crucial (as a victim) to refuse to engage with people expecting or demanding you somehow respond to their desperate attention seeking demands or that you rush to defend yourself against the imagined “immoral”. ]
The next time the targeted ex runs into or is forced to endure social contact with an Abuser or one of their Flying Monkey [Enablers], they are likely to be treated with extreme disdain, informed they are going to hell, and told they are evil — as well as being called a liar, told they are crazy if and when they strive to defend themselves, and left completely spiritually and emotionally distraught based on the circumstances.
That’s the tough emotional, psychological, and spiritual part — being treated like dirt for crimes you never committed, unable to say or do anything that is not going to be brutally twisted and taken out of context, then used to provide artificial conformation bias for the person or peer group who has fixated on the social destruction of whoever refuses to interact with or to be impressed by their garrish or morally abhorrent behaviors.
If the con victim is a family friend of the Abuser or a casual acquaintance, they might be told wild tales of how their insanely jealous ex is obsessed with them and won’t leave them alone. They will claim the person initiates frequent contact, is madly in love with them, and that they are completely psychologically unstable.
When the targeted ex comes across such people on social media, they tend to find themselves unfriended (if they knew the person in real life) or to get hate mail from people who they have never met, only know by name due to happenstance, or only suspect are people who are new supply sources for their ex.
Each time the Dark Triad loses an old narcissistic supply source who wises up to their pathological lying, gaslighting, smear campaigning, and false presentation of self there tends to be a resurgence of abuse of the targeted ex.
Because the attention seeking Cluster B, needing fresh juice from new supply sources, has to think of something to say to make their new con target believe they are in need of care, sympathy, and social support in some way.
At no time after a break up with an ex who bears ill will or harbors a revenge obsession against a former mate is the preferred scapegoat or their children (typically) shown any love, care, kindness, or mercy by their ex or anyone who socially supports the Cluster B mate.
Their mother and father will stand by and help them lie in court as well as hide finances. The grandchildren and the estranged ex will be treated like pariahs.
Being the target of extreme Narcissistic Abuse during a marriage or romantic relationship is tough enough. Being pervasively targeted by stalkers for emotional harm and abuse while simultaneously losing your entire social network of friends, family, and casual acquaintances in a hometown or local area because an angry ex gets off on spreading lies and hurting you is absolutely brutal.
Depersonalizing the abuse as part of their pathology to aggress, conquer, and subsequently destroy anything or anyone who gets in the way of their personal or professional aspirations is the fastest and most simple way to cope with ongoing abuse situations.
Aggravated Stalking claims can and should be filed with local court officials until such a point that the court becomes aware of the Abuser’s game and that they are being socially supported by toxic individuals inclined to perjure.
Once it’s on the court record that an abusive party or person has been striving to deceive a judge or law officers, that they are willing to lie under oath, and that they are likely to engage in behaviors that are flagrantly in contempt of court, a victim is likely to win cases but be offered little to no recompense for their duress [or even be offered future protections.]
As such, for pervasive stalking victims who have been targeted by an Obsessed Ex (or a person who he or she has aggressively triangulated while fostering a belief in them the target deserves abuse or to be feared socially) life can seem pretty bleak at times. Understanding you are not alone in what you are going through is the first step towards learning how to go Gray Rock to such an extreme, profounding life changing and socially limiting form of domestic abuse.
Even if they leave their mate for another love interest, if their ex figured out their personality type they are likely to be targeted for social and emotional abuse for decades